When we in our youth make decisions which will possibly yield negative results we bring that baggage with us as we get older. Women do it and so do men.
We are a product of our decisions. We are a product of the choices we have made and our experiences. Therefore do not expect persons with less baggage to commiserate with you when you try to skew other's perceptions on life.
Especially when men approach the tough subject of love and women. Your past relationships probably will unfortunately shape how you approach other women and your future relationships. A man who has been continuously burnt by women in his past will approach other women with hesitancy and a muddied perception of what a woman wants or needs in a relationship. You begin to form your own opinions about how a relationship should happen. What part you play and how the dynamics should work. In terms of trust men do not handle cheating nor a woman's betrayal well. But then is it fair for another female to have to suffer for someone else's mistakes?
Is it wrong for a woman to state out front that she is independent? Why when a woman states that she is independent it causes such an uproar?
What does being independent mean for a woman?
For me independence as a woman stems from the lessons my father instilled in me. My view of independence stems from being able to support myself and be self sufficient. It does not negate the fact that there will be a time when you will need someone. But it does fundamentally mean that I can take care of myself without having to depend heavily on someone else for assistance.
It does not give me the right to disrespect anyone especially someone with whom I am in a relationship. It gives women the confidence to exist without being helpless. To exist without having to rely totally and solely on someone else.
It also helps women to become an individual. Yet this must be balanced by the ability to share your life with someone else. Two complete persons make a couple not two imbalanced and incomplete persons.
Some women yes have made the belief that being independent is a ticket for them to be dismissive of men and their feelings, to be condescending and conniving under the guise of being "free to do what I choose". Those women exist but there are also those women who understand that with independence there is responsibility and a time and a place for everything.
But does independence mean that a woman does not want to be emotionally supported by a man?
NO! She needs that support! But it does not mean she is dependent solely on a man to be happy!
It merely shows that they can survive but it does not make them unable to reach out and ask for help.
Why do men automatically think that when a woman professes independence it immediately leads to contention?
Why is it that men who carry all this baggage around try to paint all women with the same brush?
Everyone is different. But maybe it could be traced right back down to the way in which we were all raised. The experiences we have allowed in our life and knowledge base.
Call me naive but my father taught me the values to look for in a partner. He also taught me how to be treated by that person.
When a man speaks ill of his parents-both-then you should be worried. When a man curses his children --be worried. When a man speaks about the mother of his children with disrespect and harsh words--run.
What is all this to say?
Your experiences shape you. Let a man talk and you will hear a lot. Listen. Take note of the red flags. Whether his baggage is heavy. Whether you can help him with his load. If not--walk away.
It is sad when persons try to impose their negative views and experiences on someone else. Worst when they try to disrespect you for trying to remain positive about life. Do not let anyone kill your joy. Their regrets are theirs.
Be careful how you treat others and who you let into your space. Remember what decisions you make now can affect you in the long run.
I have seen and heard some bitter persons. It is sad. It is hard for them to even accept when others are positive. They become self destructive, negative and sometimes harmful to themselves and others.
Remember this.
Be good to others, be good to yourselves. Life is not perfect but the decisions you make inform the rest of your life. We all have choices--be careful how you make yours.
Stay blessed
KKA
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